My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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