He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
