my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
