Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
