Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I look better un-naked...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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