Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
