Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
