Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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