So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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