You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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