I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
