The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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