you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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