His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
