she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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