i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
