so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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