12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
