I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
