I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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