Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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