I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
