just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
