omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
