I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize