Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
