I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize