I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
