somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
