the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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