First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
