mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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