i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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