omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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