Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
