Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize