So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
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winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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