I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
