Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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