Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
