Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
