D3 body, D1 cock
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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