It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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