i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
