Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
