Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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