I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
