what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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