he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
