Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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