I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
