I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You're like the curious george of whores
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
