i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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