youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
