I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize