I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
