And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize