just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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