he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
