And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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