drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
