Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
the raccoons are back...
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