so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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